"Last Supper" Day

Well - I'm a Jew, but I do like the whole 'Last Supper' painting - so - today's my version.  I can't tell you how many times I've done this - thought, "Today's it, after today, I'm never eating pizza again" - but - I want, really want, to mean it.  I calculated that my goal of 80 pounds in 14 months is completely realistic - comes out to an average of 1.5lbs per week.  I want to emphaisize that I know, if I put my mind to it, that I can do this.  I did it before - exactly 10 years ago, at the age of 23, I joined weight watchers and succesfully lost 50 pounds in about 10 months.  Granted, my metabolism was 10 years younger then it is now, but still - it happened.  I kept it off for about 6 months, and then - well - I had the whole, "I'm cured" feeling.  I don't really know how now, 10 years later, I have gained that plus 30 pounds back - but - I can't think backwards, only forwards.

The reality is this is the perfect time.  I have no plans this summer, I'm single, I'm motivated, and my work (I started my own business last year) has started to make some money.  I'm less stressed than I was, I have some time and flexibility, and I have a realistic aspiration.  Also, I have reasons to do this now.  Here are some of them, and NONE include anything about pants size.

Risk of diabetes
Risk of heart disease
Depression
Sleep issues
Anxiety
Skin issues (I have noticed more acne lately)
Risk of high high blood pressure
Risk of "bad numbers" at the doctor
Risk of poor circulation

You will note that diabetes is numero uno.  It runs in my family - not my immediate family, but I am named after someone who was blind from diabetes, and passed away from it.  My grandfather had it as well - that is both sides of my family. 

As of now - I do not have high anything.  Ironically, despite being technically obese, my numbers are all very good.  This is why I must do this now, before that changes.

I had this same exact goal on New Years.  I wanted to lose this weight before my 34th bday.  And - it started out going very well.  I lost about 10 pounds, was in a good exercise routine, and was motivated.  Then - life happened.  I had weddings, travel, family commitments.  Travel throws me off, seeing my family throws me off, and I have basically ate like a pig for the last month.

So - it ends tomorrow.  Today - I want to document that I feel the following things:

Bloated
Puffy
Gross
Broken Out
Lethargic
A bit light headed
My ankes feel fat (I know, that's weird, but it's true)
I can't wear anything but my version of moo moos
I just walked to get coffee and my thighs were rubbing together - and it's not even hot and humid
I can not wrap my hand around my wrist (weird test that I do for myself)
My bracelet feels tight
My fingers look fat
I"m sort of depressed, not that bad, but a little
I am anxious about seeing someone I went to high school with, in fear that he will know how fat I have gotten

SO - now I have documentation of all of these things that I feel.  I can reference, it's out there for the world to see.

So anyways, today's it.  I will not feel this way after today.  But today, I will indulge.  So, for breakfast, I had a croissant and a scone.  Yes, both.  Last night I got pizza and I have some left over.  I won't have any left over after today. 

Tomorrow, I will share my weight, and will go from there.