Update..Feeling good

Wowzers - am I feeling great!  I haven't eaten any dairy and no alcohol since getting sick - except for a sneaky soft serve ice cream cone, since I'm NEVER around soft serve (no stomach ache - hooray!) - and man do I feel amazing.  I have a love/hate relationship with this fact - since - I love my cheese, but have always thought dairy may be a culprit to my weight loss, as well as acne (I've been told that I have a slight allergy to dairy by doctors and dermatologists).  I've replaced ice cream with frozen fruit bars, have been snacking on fruit like a mad woman, eaten tons and tons of tomatoes (I know, sounds weird, I love summer tomatoes), and I just feel great.

That's the good news.  The downside?  I've been sitting home by myself this whole time since I don't want to have any alcohol.  I was supposed to have dinner w/a pregnant friend on Friday, which I thought would work out well since I wouldn't drink but we cancelled.  I've been also having some issues with a former friend (mainly that since I'm not married with kids she wants nothing to do with me).  But - through it all, I have not emotionally ate or drank.

Randomly, my mom has decided to visit next week for a few days.  She does this every summer, she'll decide she misses me and wants to visit.  I booked some massage appointments to surprise her with, we'll have dinner w/a friend of mine on Mon. and maybe hit the beach on Tuesday.

There will be wine.  There will be dinners out.  There will be mom-stress.  There will be food obsession.  But I am DETERMINED to not let this throw me off.  Luckily, along with her obsession with food, there is an obsession with the gym, so she wants to hit up Healthworks with me while she's here (she loves spinning).  But normally, family throws me off.  I had been doing SO SO SO well - except for me there's no balance, either I'm doing great but also sitting home watching movies and going to the gym (I did hit the gym yesterday hooray!  On a Saturday!) - or I'm drinking wine by the bottle, dessert by the plateful, and 8 course meals.

So - there will be balance.  I haven't had time to stress about my mom's visit since it was kind of sprung on me.  I was going to do a little 2 week alcohol detox, which looks like it will only be 1 week (since, with my mom, there WILL be wine).  But - I also won't drink too much with her here, so I'm okay with that.  Left to my own devices, I tend to over-imbibe.

We shall see.  Now I sort of wish I had kept my weigh in day for Monday!  Ironically, this week.  I weighed myself this morning and was down about 1/2 pound - so that's good.

Dertermined to keep it balanced....

Hooray - almost 2 lbs gone!

But - was it the fact that I spent the majority of the week shitting like crazy?  Maybe - hey - I'll take it!  205.2 - so - lots more to go, but I'll take the progress.

Bucket List

In spinning this morning the instructor asked us what's on our bucket list.  He is always inspirational - it's a great way to start the day - so that was his question today.  Thought I'd throw it out there.  After thinking about it, here's what I have come up with:

Run a 1/2 marathon.
Earn $1M in one year.
Make a $10K donation somewhere.
Donate hair to locks of love.
Lose 80lbs.
Write a book.
Buy a beach house.
Buy a 5 room home - with a gym, library, guest room, office, my bedroom - w/a HUGE en suite bathroom.
Read the Howard Zinn book.
Read every book on my list.
Teach a class (in anything).
Invest in a company (not just stocks).
Win an award.
Take a pole dancing class.
Go cross country.

Here are things on my list that I have done:

Start a business.
Go to the World Series.
Get season Sox tickets.
Go paragluiding.
Go parasailing.
Take a hot yoga class.
Start a blog (hi!).
Live in a foreign country.
Backpack around Europe.

Any readers out there want to comment?

Letter to me. From my stomach.

Dear you:
You got cocky last night, at book club, didn't you.  I didn't ache once during the day, so you went ahead and had some cheese and crackers.  You know that cheese is probably something to stay away from on a good day, but you went ahead and tested me.  And - I was kind.  So you had more.  And I remained kind.   You were pacing yourself, and I was happy that you skipped the wine (for once!).  We were doing okay.

Did you really need to plop a bunch of brie on your salad?  Did you really need to dominate the tomato mozz. - emphasize on the mozz?  Was it completely necessary?  Couldn't you have just remained - kind and thoughful of me?

So yes - when you opted for the blueberry cobbler - WITH whipped cream (seriously??) - I rebelled.  Enough.  Stop eating like you are a horse.  You're going to have way more embarassing bathroom situations than you did last night if you don't.  You are not a horse, nor a pig.  You are a person.  A person with a weakening belly.  So stop.  Or else you'll be shitting yourself on the side of the road somewhere.

Sincerely, your belly.

I binged...and my body rebelled.

OK truth time - I hit a bump in the road.  I binged over the last few days - maybe, in all honesty, starting from Wednesday.  I don't really know why - work was going really well and I think it started with, "I'm going to take myself out to celebrate!"  Than I fell back into, "I'm going to eat whatever I want and start again on Sunday!".  Bad, I know.

But - here's the good news (ironically) - I got REALLY sick.  Like - REALLY sick.  I'm fairly certain that the Chinese food I binged on may have given me some food poisoning, so I did what all sane people do - I kept eating the leftovers, thinking that wasn't the problem.  I'm pretty sure it was, and I spent the last 4 days attached to the toilet. 

SO - am not going to forget this.  It was awful feeling so sick - I had planned on going to the beach and I couldn't.  I couldn't work out.  The good news is I probably didn't gain any weight, the better news is - lesson learned.  I simply can't eat like that anymore, my body can't do it.

Now - is that what it is?  Or was it food poisoning?  Who knows. I'm choosing to believe that my body can't do it anymore.  I've had food poisoning before, and this felt slightly different (no nausea).  So - am going with - I can't do it.

I made myself get up and work out this morning, despite my belly still feeling sad.  It was the best thing I could have done.  I ran my 2 miles, and felt SO much better.

More news - am not doing the 1/2 marathon.  I missed the registration and honestly I think it may have been a bit ambitious for where I'm at with running right now.  SO - am doing a 10K instead - October 10.

Thursday

OK so I offiically changed my weigh in day to Thursday - and, despite saying I wouldn't, and despite treating myself to an a-mazing meal last night at Out of the Blue (holy effing yum), I decided to jump on the scale, happily discovering a loss of about .5lb.  Hey, I'll take it! 

I'm already excited about my lunch leftovers.  Is that bad?

Update

I haven't blogged...because I haven't lost.  I have been in a bit of a rut - and I'm glad to document this now, because perhaps this is my theme - 2 weeks on, than yikes.  I had a slight gain last week, which I owned.  Than...I can't say I ate well. 

Here's the thing - originally, my thought was, "I can't say I was good..." - but I decided to abolish that thinking.  Being good/bad has nothing to do with eating.  In fact, it was a fantastic week work-wise, I worked really hard, closed some great deals, and, in life, was perfectly fine!  I also worked out, not every day, but probably 4 days - not so bad.  I ran, skipped my long run purposely because my knees were hurting and I don't want to get hurt, but ran the other days, did step, spinning, and ate well...for 3 days.

Than - I went for drinks.  And I woke up hungover.  And I had not the healthiest breakfast.  And than I celebrated my big deals with some champagne. That lead to some wine. Which lead to another hangover.  Which lead to binge eating.

And THAT lead to - a 2.5 lb gain.

And - here's the thing - all in all - I'm still on track with my 1lb/week goal.  But it bummed me out.

So I decided to switch my weigh in day to Thursday.  I figure - if realistically, I'll eat healthier during the week than I would on the weekend, why am I setting myself up to fail by weighing in on a Monday?

It's a small change.  And I'm owning the poor behavior.  But - it's a change, none the less. 

So - Monday - I was 207.2.  As of next week, I'll weigh on Thursday. Am not weighing this week because I actually don't want to weigh more than 1x/week, seems to obsessive.

We shall see...

Funny memory

On http://www.gawker.com/ - they were searching for funny waiting tables stories.  I obliged, and happily remembered my days waitressing at a bar during college:

All I can say is stay the fuck away from anything involving Kids Nights when waiting tables.

I worked at a local bar/restaurant while in school, and it was a decently fun situation - lots of fucking different waiters, lots of underage boozing, lots of drunk college kids tipping like crazy, lots of drunken nights cocktail waitressing. Mostly intelligent drinkers who'd tip well.

But...Wednesdays...Kids night. And all new wait staff had to work it. The. Worst. Any family with children under the age of 10 felt the need to crowd in so their little rug rats can eat for free. NO ONE drank booze, parents would come in with 7 kids (taking their friends' kids out I'd assume), have water and split a fucking appetizer, you had to not only serve all of the kids their free food, but there was also a phenomenon where parents assumed they had the night off. Therefore, you'd also have to look out for crawling toddlers while you were carrying all of their meals (and yes, they'd get into the kitchen). Not to mention this deal included dessert, which the wait staff had to make. Plus, we had to serve the kids' drinks (as opposed to ordering through the bar). And in our spare time, bring coloring books, balloons, and crayons on demand. And every Wednesday it was packed. With all of these awful breeder families - I don't even know where they all crawled out of, in my nice little college town - it was the only time you'd see them.

Suffice to say, we'd put, on the check, the amount that the bill should have been, and clearly subtract what was free (kids meals). And, suffice to say, NO ONE bothered to tip on the total, irrelevant of what they'd actually pay. So - we'd have a million checks that were - maybe $15 - when actually there'd be about $50 worth of food. So - people would leave a generous $2.

Basically, you'd work your tits off for, maybe, what turned out to be $3.50/hour. Plus you'd automatically have to tip out the bar. The only shiny part would be cocktail-ing afterwards and ordering yourself tons of shots, than banging the other waiter at the end of the night.

I imagine the Groupon thing has created similar situations for morons who don't realize you should tip ON WHAT THE BILL SHOULD BE. But this was groupon, for every table, plus zillions of small kids flying around, with balloons and crayons.

It's been 15 years and I still have nightmares about Kids night. (Edit comment)

Binge confession

So - yesterday, after I blogged, I did something I can honestly say I haven't done in a while.  I binged.  Meh.  I was feeling lonely and sad - it being 4th of July, not having anything to do (unless I wanted to travel), the gym was closed, it was too hot to go walking, and I have no car to head to the beach.  Wah.  So - I ate.  Bowl after bowl of cheerios.  Sounds weird, right?  There was some ice cream involved.  Lots of fruit.  Some cool whip.  Okay a lot.  But the fact is - it's not about what I ate, it's the behavior.  I knew I wasn't hungry.  I knew I was feeding something other than hunger.  I was feeding loneliness and sadness.  I suppose the good thing was my awareness of it.  The bad thing was that I did it!  One feeling I did have, truly, was that I wished the gym was open.  Had the gym been open, I would have hit it up hard for a great workout.  I did try to do some exercise at home to replace my feelings, I buried myself in a fabulous book, I watched episodes of Teen Mom to feel better about myself (don't judge!) - but - alas - the bowls of Cheerios won.

So - it's a new day, I recognize it, I am owning it.  I counted all of the points, I was accurate and honest, and it could have been french fries and not Cheerios.  So - here are the positive points of yesterday, that I will recognize so I can move on:

The food I binged on wasn't that bad.
I honestly wished I could have worked out.
I accounted for all of the points.
I recognize the behavior.
This is the first time I have done that in a while.
At one point, I chewed gum to stop.
I did not drink any wine, though I wanted to.
I did not eat dinner out, though I wanted to.

Here's what I should have done:

Journaled about my feelings (I thought of that......but cheerios was more appealing)
Stepped away from the kitchen - taken my book upstairs to read.
Eaten carrots - crunchy, yet healthy.
Gone out - called a friend.
Drank tea.
Eaten cucumbers.

So - it's over - I own it, and I'm admitting it to the blog world, for whatever that's worth.  Today is a new day!

4th of July - aka week 2

Happy 4th!
OK - so last week I was doing great.  Until I went out for drinks.  And ate pizza when I got home.  Yikes.  But - here's the good news - I had a few meals out (including dinner at my favoriate Italian restaurant that must include tiramusu), only had 1 day/night of drinks, and, overall, was okay with how I did. 

The better news?  My exercising!  Holy work out - ness!  I stuck to my training and sweated my tits off during 6 MILES on the treadmill yesterday!  On a holiday weekend no less!  I feel great, stronger, and even a bit slimmer.  And, I moved my ancient 'leg magic' machine in front of the TV, officially, which has been my purpose of that thing for years.  I worked out every day except Saturday - which was a designated rest (hangover) day.  Today I'll 'rest' but only because the gym is closed - wah!  I actually feel like working out.  Crazy.

I feel great, in a lot of ways.  And, it's a holiday weekend, and I'm not drunk.  Nor hungover.  Plus, I feel that I balanced this week, too.  I enjoyed ice cream, drinks (but only 1 day), and dessert, as well as a few meals out, and I didn't completely fall off track.

So - how did I do?  Well - up .8.  But - in fairness, last week I was down almost 6.  So - am okay with that.

On to week 3!