Hello!
Well - am feeling refreshed, renewed, and fabulous. I spent the weekend purging some stuff - some clothes, some junk. I have to say that when it came to getting rid of my super skinny clothes, I struggled. Was I willing to completely give up on me at size 4? So - I compromised, and got rid of some of the clothes, but not all. I have 2 large closets, one is for various sizes, so I figured - why not. But I just felt way lighter and better.
Yesterday I snuggled up with the book, "If I'm so smart, why can't I lose weight?" - by Brooke Castillo - http://www.amazon.com/Smart-Why-Cant-Lose-Weight/dp/1419618474. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. I don't know what it my life made me pick this book up at this exact time, but all I can say is - you know all of those questions that I had last week? Why do I overeat? What question am I trying to answer? What am I trying to fullfill? Well - it's basically as if the universe heard me and said - here! Read this and shut up! I had a similar revelation when I read Naturally Thin by Bethenny Frankel - also amazing - but this really dug into some emotional aspects of overeating. I spent the day reading, thinking, meditating, journalling, and laughing at myself for said activities. The title of the book, I admit, reminds me of a scene in Sex and the City when Charlotte is browsing the self help section of a book store and sees all of these funny book titles - and encounters a crying lady reading something and saying, "that really helped me!". But - regardless - it made me think a LOT, and start shifting my thoughts on food, exercise, etc. I won't get into all of the details - because honestly I'm not capable of summing it up - just read it. I'd recommend Naturally Thin as well - I think the combination of the 2 books is fantastic, with Naturally Thin focusing on how to eat, and Brooke's book (I can't write the silly name again!) focusing on the emotional aspects of overeating, what we are facing and what we need to over come.
A lot is intuitive eating, common sense, etc. But reading it all at once was pretty mind blowing. I actually woke up this morning and felt really excited about my day, to begin with exercise and just - have a good day. Ironically last night I dreamt about a session with my old therapist (who I saw for years and love) - in our session, I was chatting about the fact that I was dating 2 guys, neither I really was super into but was having fun with both of them, and they were both really into me. Funny.
So - today. Where do I go. First, I need to work on journalling more - already started. Next, I need to figure out what to do about weight watchers/journalling on my own. I've been following ww online, and I do feel that I need to journal or do WW to keep myself honest, but I'm leaning toward cancelling my membership and just doing it on my own. Lastly, and this is the most difficult, I need to deal with the fact that my family's visiting in 2 weeks. Which is my fault. I invited them to spend my birthday with me. Birthdays alone suck. But I REALLY don't want to be obsessive over food, exercise, calories, etc. My mother can't go 1 hour without a conversation about exercise, spinning, dieting, etc. She just can't. I REALLY don't want to be around that. I need to break up with the obsessive-ness that she has aided in creating within me. So - I'll think about it.
For now - wowzers am I feeling good.
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