Here's a real question - something I've been wondering for a while. I truly wish I knew the answer, but after years of therapy, journalling, weight watchers, weight loss, weight gain, self aware-ness, I still don't. Ready?
WHY DO WE OVEREAT? WHY DO WE USE FOOD AS AN ANSWER TO QUESTIONS - WHEN IT NEVER IS?
Why do we self sabatoge with food? Doesn't it seem like such a simple question? People without body issues, from my observation, do not do this. They don't sit and splurge and stuff themselves silly, at least not the people that I know. My sister, who is TINY (easily the size of an Olsen twin) - eats what she wants. Plain, simple, that's all. If she wants a cookie, she'll have one. She is a Foodie, true and true, and her (equally tiny) husband and her eat out, enjoy food - the way it's meant to be enjoyed. But - what does she not do? Eat until she can't breath. I joke that in her kitchen, there are small, elf sized portions because she saves everything, so she will have 1/2 of 1/2 of a sandwich, than wrap it up, and bring it home. She neither celebrates with food, nor sabatoges herself with food. She does not eat when she's bored, depressed, stressed. She uses food for pleasure and sustainment. And that is all.
My mother and I are the opposite. My mother, who has lost significant weight in the past 5 years and actually is quite small now, and I will eat our brains out to celebrate that we're on vacation. We'll eat until our tits fall out of our bras when we are sad or depressed. Than we'll feel worse. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Why do some people have this gene, and others just don't? All of my friends, who struggle with their weight/body image, have this battle, and we are soldiers every single fucking day of our lives.
Why did I eat french fries today at lunch until I felt like I was going to keel over and shit myself? I knew when "my body sighed" (as we used to say in weight watchers). I'm aware. Is it because I'm stressed? Bored? Somewhat lonely?
Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying it's a healthy way to live to simply eat fruit and vegetables. I firmly believe that food is pleasure, and should be enjoyed as so. So why do some people do that, and others seem to struggle with it?
I have equated, at time, good food to good sex. There is such pleasure in amazing food, as there is in amazing sex. Do I overeat right now because I'm not having sex (am single and too old to go fuck the bartender like I used to)? But I know lots of people who have lots of good sex, and they still overeat.
So - what is the need that we are trying to fulfill? What is the question that we are trying to answer? Why are we feeding our emotions, vs. simply enjoying food the way it should be enjoyed?
To quote Annie Lenox - why?
Hi there. I struggle with same thing over and over again. For me, it all started when I was very young and was not allowed treats because I was a larger framed little girl...NOT FAT. I am not sure how aware of this I was, but the message is very clear now....'I could not be trusted with food, so it will be hidden, taken away so I wouldn't be tempted.' Probably seemed harmless enough. Through the years and many many diets seem to kick those 'deprivation' feelings right into high gear. I'll do good for a little while...maybe 1 week if I'm 'doing good' and then I screw up a little...and then a lot and then past the point of no return. I see that it is deprivation and deprivation alone that causes me to do this. If I don't deprive myself, and can really get that in my head that I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want...I never overeat. BUT, that in itself is a struggle. For me, any diet has ZERO chance of truly working. Intuitive Eating has a chance...following my hunger signals does have a chance. I am trying to remember that as long as I keep going in the right direction, it will not matter how long it takes. I have the rest of my life to get there. Don't mean to ramble, but I SO relate to your post. This beast is NOT you...your body is saying, I am done dieting, just like mine is. I'm trying to listen to it and see where that gets me. I know you will do what's right for you! :) DeeDee
ReplyDeleteThank you DeeDee! That really means a lot! I really appreciate your thoughtful insight. Clearly, we are smart girls, and we'll figure this out. Somehow, we need to overcome the way we were brought up - I don't know how to do it, but I'm determined to find out! I hope you continue to read along with me :)
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