On http://www.gawker.com/ - they were searching for funny waiting tables stories. I obliged, and happily remembered my days waitressing at a bar during college:
All I can say is stay the fuck away from anything involving Kids Nights when waiting tables.
I worked at a local bar/restaurant while in school, and it was a decently fun situation - lots of fucking different waiters, lots of underage boozing, lots of drunk college kids tipping like crazy, lots of drunken nights cocktail waitressing. Mostly intelligent drinkers who'd tip well.
But...Wednesdays...Kids night. And all new wait staff had to work it. The. Worst. Any family with children under the age of 10 felt the need to crowd in so their little rug rats can eat for free. NO ONE drank booze, parents would come in with 7 kids (taking their friends' kids out I'd assume), have water and split a fucking appetizer, you had to not only serve all of the kids their free food, but there was also a phenomenon where parents assumed they had the night off. Therefore, you'd also have to look out for crawling toddlers while you were carrying all of their meals (and yes, they'd get into the kitchen). Not to mention this deal included dessert, which the wait staff had to make. Plus, we had to serve the kids' drinks (as opposed to ordering through the bar). And in our spare time, bring coloring books, balloons, and crayons on demand. And every Wednesday it was packed. With all of these awful breeder families - I don't even know where they all crawled out of, in my nice little college town - it was the only time you'd see them.
Suffice to say, we'd put, on the check, the amount that the bill should have been, and clearly subtract what was free (kids meals). And, suffice to say, NO ONE bothered to tip on the total, irrelevant of what they'd actually pay. So - we'd have a million checks that were - maybe $15 - when actually there'd be about $50 worth of food. So - people would leave a generous $2.
Basically, you'd work your tits off for, maybe, what turned out to be $3.50/hour. Plus you'd automatically have to tip out the bar. The only shiny part would be cocktail-ing afterwards and ordering yourself tons of shots, than banging the other waiter at the end of the night.
I imagine the Groupon thing has created similar situations for morons who don't realize you should tip ON WHAT THE BILL SHOULD BE. But this was groupon, for every table, plus zillions of small kids flying around, with balloons and crayons.
It's been 15 years and I still have nightmares about Kids night.
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